Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Young Turks

OK, time to raz the young'uns...

Yessir: it's time the Young Turks celebrated in this week's Publishers Weekly (The Next Hot Young Thang(s) by Steven Zeitchik, PW, 1/3/05) get their well-deserved ritual hazing--for being hip, young, talented, and not publicity-averse. Not an actual shit-kicking, mind you, but enough of a heckle to bear witness to the sort of public embarrassment befitting their crime (youth, talent) over the next few days--enough to raise more than the occasional blush to their youthful cheeks. For legal reasons I can't be explicit as to how you might accomplish this.

[I expressly do NOT condone swirlies, paddle-wacking, keg-chugging or any of the other college fraternity shenanigans that might appear, say, in a Tom Wolfe novel.]
And you'll find, those of you who partake of this particular sport, that it has a residual benefit: it allows you to rid yourself of the green slime of envy in a quasi-acceptable fashion! Instead of pouring glue into a Young Turk's keyboard, say, use a congratulatory slap on the back as a way to plant a sign that reads

"I love my mommy!"
All in good fun! And in case you don't know the targets of these high jinks (and most every house has one), the under-35 so-and-so's who've been designated for greatness are:

[Tuxedo-clad announcer enters, stage right, steps into a boxing ring, and is handed a microphone bearing the World Wrestling Federation logo. "LADIES and GENTLEMEN! Let's give a LOUD WWF Smackdown welcome to the FUTURE of AMERICAN CULTURE!" Crowd goes wild.]

[From stage left, ten YOUNG TURKS are seen waiting in the wings, clad in hooded silk robes, each carrying an armful of carnations. As their names are called, they enter the ring and raise their fists over their heads, acknowledging the ecstatic crowd.]

"And HERE THEY COME! PLEASE WELCOME

Tim Duggan, HarperCollins!
Chris Jackson, Crown!
Gillian Blake, Bloomsbury!
Geoff Shandler, Little Brown!
Sean McDonald, Riverhead!
Molly Stern, Viking!
Becky Cole, Broadway!
Richard Nash, Soft Skull Press!
David Levithan, Scholastic!
Nancy Hinkel, Knopf Books for Young Readers!


[Crowd goes wild, begins chanting: "OUR YOUNG TURKS! OUR YOUNG TURKS!" The Turks, embarrassed, humbled, but undeniably proud, blow kisses and toss carnations. CREDITS ROLL.]

But seriously: congratulations to all y'all. If the last list of Turks PW selected, seven years ago, is any indication--Eamon Dolan, Jon Karp, Ira Silverberg, Carolyn Carlson, Alane Mason, Amy Einhorn, Geoff Kloske, Matt Weiland, Holly McGhee--your futures are very bright indeed.

In the meantime, enjoy the vast quantities of unsolicated manuscripts that are already on their way to you now!

14 comments:

jessicaleejernigan said...

a question: were you being facetious when you wrote "your futures are very bright indeed", or should i be a little mortified by the fact that i recognize the names of none of the old turks you mention?

Sarah said...

I recognize two: Amy Einhorn's a senior editor at Warner, I believe, and Jon Karp's a high-ranking editor (or publisher?) with Random House.

Mad Max Perkins said...

If you don't know/know of Jonathan Karp, Eamon Dolan, (editors-in-chief or the equivalent, respectively, of Random House and Houghton Mifflin), Amy Einhorn (she has a similar title for Warner's trade paperback line), top-notch editors like Alane Mason, Geoff Kloske etc., or a literary agent as broadly admired as Ira Silverberg, then you've been denied the pleasure of some of the most consistently successful, energetic and idiosyncratic publishing people in the business today.

Anonymous said...

someone, armed with book scan numbers, should really check on these folks -

MrRosieB said...

Um, this is totally off-topic, but when do we get the rant about the 'flowering' of MFA programs? Sounds juicy.

And, um again, is there a better place to post off-topic questions, comments, introductions? I'm new to this blog thing, and my TDD can clearly beat up your TDD.

jessicaleejernigan said...

oh, wait: i do know who jonathan karp is. he bought Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, etc., right?

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