Thursday, February 03, 2005

Stop the presses! Labor unrest threatens blogosphere!

PRESS RELEASE FROM THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Mad Max Inc.
Given that BookAngst 101 is our sole material asset;

[Which means--since BookAngst 101 doesn't exist except as a figment of some incomprehensible bandwidth something--that we have none];

We the Board of Directors hereby notify our share-holders that the ops center @ BookAngst 101 is undergoing technical difficulties. Or, more accurately, aesthetic difficulties. Our crack creative and technical staffs had been brainstorming--or, more accurating, headbutting--over the design of the site. Unkind things were said about the "technological deficiencies" of the production department; Creative was then given a harsh critique of its decidedly 20th century sensibility; and so what started out with finger-pointing among the staff, and with nobody willing to take responsibility for their various f*ups--
[it's SO hard to find good help these days!]
--eventually escalated into a full-out civil conflagration. And, as happens among the working classes from time to time, the focus of the rage soon shifted; the two opposing sides realized they had common "issues"; and suddenly it was management under fire. Can you imagine? A workers' uprising! Complaints about the pay, the hours, the unsanitary working conditions... But the straw that broke the camel's back? Not so much the pile-up of complaints from our shareholders, but, rather, the fact that management chose to post those complaints prominently on bulletin boards throughout the shop.
  • THE SITE HAS TOO MUCH COLOR!
  • USE UNDERLINE OR B.F., BUT NOT BOTH!
  • YOUR LINKS ARE HARD TO FIND!
  • MAX IS A POORLY-DISGUISED SHILL FOR "THE MAN"!
  • YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT SUCKS!
Morale at the shop had simply bottomed out--and just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse, management's most dreaded fears were realized:

the employees staged a sit-down--right there, on the assembly-line floor!--and production
* BOOM!*
--came to a complete standstill.

But please rest assured, trusted Shareholders: a resolution is in the works. A top labor negotiator has been brought in, along with grilled cheese sandwiches and milkshakes (and, later, six-packs of beer), and eventually cooler heads prevailed. At this juncture, we are cautiously optimistic about the progress of the talks; new investors are being approached, new management strategies are being discussed, the possibility of profit-sharing is on the table--and we expect to be operational again very soon.

In the meantime, we appreciate your patience. We at Mad Max Inc. believe your confidence will be rewarded by robust sales, not just in the fourth-quarter but carrying on well into the new fiscal year.

--Mgmt.

24 comments:

Jozef Imrich, Esq. said...

The comrades at the commentariat must have cross the picket line as here is my link of note. Not so long ago I had the pleasure to appreciate your thought-provoking interview entitled "Paperback"

Your interview seemed to have inspired a mix of characters: What do you get when you cross The Monkeys with The Beatles? Paperback Believer: Mixed by Mark Vidler of Go Home Productions [ http://a.parsons.edu/~juliaset/vid/paperback_believer.mov ]

Anonymous said...

Max,

Count me among those who enjoy the site's breathless, deliciously unpolished look. My advice: leave this stuff for the geeks over at Mediabistro's design blog. I'd just put on a fresh monocle (or pince-nez, depending on what stripe of plutocrat you are), light another cigar with a hundred-dollar bill, and call in Allan Pinkerton's men.

Anonymous said...

Enough of the design cacs, let's have some more Max.

Anonymous said...

I got a great morning laugh out of that one. I vote for more Max no matter the design.

Anonymous said...

Hey Max,

I don't mind the funky colors, but earlier this week the type was microscopic. Not good, not good at all. (This new sized serif font is perfect, btw). Do whatever floats your boat with the color scheme, just keep it readable. Please?

TSJ

Beth Ciotta said...

So that's where you've been. I'm with the above posters. Don't care about the design. Bring on more Max. And thanks a lot. Now I have a craving for grilled cheese sandwiches and milkshakes... at 10am no less.

TLG said...

The colors are ok... just kind of fall-y. Think spring!! Happy, fluffy bunny colors.

Anonymous said...

Pulease. Fluffy colors? Stop distracting the poor guy with this nonsense.

Tisha from Texas said...

Funny, I always thought it was WHAT the words said, not the color, that mattered. But I am just a wannabe writer, damn good blogger, and fantastic mother/wife/physical therapist, so what do I know? Just so you know, Mad Max, I read you to learn about a secret society so when I break in, and I will, I will be at least a step ahead of the pack.
Keep up the good work. Maybe you should try serving Dr. Pepper, it seems to quell any mutiny at our company/household.

booksquare said...

I met with my design team tonight (yes, I demanded a bottle of wine. He went straight for the Manhattan.). According to his rabid research, the hot new thing is plain white background with white text. Also a readable font.

I fired him. After he paid for dinner.

Jenny D said...

Looks great, Max! Much easier on the eye. Those yellow letters & mini-font were almost impossible to read... blame it on my failing eyesight...

TLG said...

I was being facetious with the happy fluffy bunny colors... sort of. Colors can be distracting, but even still the content of this site comes through. GL with the site design thing. I'm sure you'll settle on something great.

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